The Monster is in the house!

It’s one of those days…!

Do forgive any editing errors for the time being, I’m attempting to post directly from the I-Pad, my new best friend!

Ok, so reading and looking at other blogs on WordPress, I’ve decided that so far, my blog needs some more character… So, I’m going to give you some input on my more personal experiences, I guess if I leave out enough exact detail I can still hide my identity like my freakish husband demands! Hehehe

Firstly, my question to anyone interested, is how are able to feel depressed overall and still manage to find humour or be able to smile and even laugh at things?

I started this post thinking about how demotivated and generally in the shiser I feel today, but as you clearly see by my crappy attempt at humour, I must be still somewhere in the top end depressive state. This for me seems to mean that I feel low self esteem and, (well “crap” is the only reasonably nice word I can think of for the emotions and thoughts I have at the moment) and at the same time be able to find some humour in my situation. I guess even sarcastic humour is still humour, either way it lets me get a smile.

This was “supposed” to have been a quick post about my baby’s fighting broncholitis and how I feel about it and how I’m coping with looking after him, but I’ve ended up writing about myself, which brings me to a point I’m planning on writing about in another post…!

<For me Bipolar, or whichever Mental Illness it is I actually am fighting, seems to make me a fairly selfish mother… Or else it brings on more negative thoughts to my mind about myself, which make me think that I’m a bad, selfish mother…??

Right now all I can think of are negative thoughts about myself. I have an almost physical feeling of doom and gloom, I want to hide in a dark corner. This will be a day when I won’t want to talk to anyone at all, all I want to do is eat tons of chocolate in the hope it might lift the dark cloud from above my head head and pray that my thoughts don’t get jumbled up in my mind like a tornado…

Yes, we’ll in fact my thoughts are already pretty chaotic and confused, it’s taken me more then half an hour to add maybe the last two paragraphs to the post….. I’ve had to correct so many spelling and grammar mistakes, not to mention missed words in sentences….

Actually that’s a pretty good description of how I’d the talking about now if forced to communicate with someone……. Mispronounced words, even words missing from sentences….

I think it’s best I shall leave off for another time, as its frustrating and in fact stressful to try to continue…

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